


The Last Time Virgil Smokes and Goes Without Eating People

by keepquietplease



Series: Sanders Sides First And Last Thing AU [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Blind Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Cannibalism, Eating Disorders, I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT KNOW THAT TAG, I promise, Illnesses, Kurtis Conner please review my imagine, Multi, No Smut, Patton likes that, Self Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Smoking, Vomiting, and also because he begs you to, autocannibalism, eating your husband for fun, food addiction, imagine your boyfriend drinks your blood, just a heads up, just a lot of drinking blood, vampire kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepquietplease/pseuds/keepquietplease
Summary: Virgil was given the challenge to not eat people when the twins were gone.He found a couple loopholes.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Everyone, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Sanders Sides First And Last Thing AU [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913083
Comments: 19
Kudos: 90





	The Last Time Virgil Smokes and Goes Without Eating People

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hot_mess_express](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hot_mess_express/gifts).



> Author fact: I want tapioca pudding. Someone plz provide
> 
> Also my list: serial au request, fae request, another request if anon tells me the ship they want for short Virgil

The first week was fine. Simple stuff. Virgil excused himself from the room when a murder was taking place purely because he'd get the urge to eat the body. Patton offered to handle cleanup, which was ridiculous at first, but Roman was right. Virgil was addicted to it like it was coffee or chocolate. He missed the good feelings he got from eating people. Nothing else cut it. He let Patton do cleanup after that, apologizing over and over again. He just couldn't handle the smell of blood. That was fine. Patton just asked he cooked, and they settled back into a nice routine.

Week two is when he felt himself start to break. The twins messaged that they'd be longer, which was to be expected. They always said a month, and then it would be about three months. Patton mentioned that Virgil had been doing such a good job, and Remus teased him, asking if Virgil could wait until they got back. Virgil said he could, but he knew he couldn't. He was already skipping meals. Patton didn't notice since they usually slept in past breakfast, but Virgil was actively avoiding eating in the morning. If he didn't eat then, he'd be able to eat at lunch. It was unhealthy, yes, but there really wasn't a problem with skipping one meal, was there?

There was, obviously.

After the third week, he stopped being hungry at lunch. The idea of actual food repulsed him. He'd get twitchy and claim he needed to smoke, and god, did his smoking increase. One pack a year turned into one a week very quickly. He was losing it. This wasn't normal, but at least the cigarettes decreased his hunger. Patton started to notice around that time, and Virgil couldn't pretend he was fine. He was feeling more and more repulsed by food as the days went on. Sure, he loved the taste of homemade tapioca pudding, but it was horrid because he couldn't stop thinking about cubed tongue.

So he ate once a day. He drank a shit ton of water, smoked, and ate at the end of the day. He was fine. This was basically what he did at home, minus the water. The water he had to savor because it was hard for him to get his hands on it once his family returned. He always snuck the small water bottles he got from his school lunch into his bag, knowing that would be his only source for the rest of the day. Fuck, even when he lived with Patton for the first year, he didn't eat with him. He only ate when Patton wasn't looking. Even after that, he only ate when he got home from classes.

He never ate like he was supposed to until he started eating people.

If he was still a college student, that would be fine. He lived off of having classes and praying the lectures were more entertaining than the idea of food, but now? Now he just stayed at home, helping Patton with whatever he needed. He didn't know how to fill his time. He visited the crows a lot, and they were nice. They got confused that he was bringing seeds and berries again, but it was fine. He got into knitting to try to distract himself. He was sitting on the porch, working on a scarf he was making for Patton. He put out one cigarette once it reached the filter, pulling another out and lighting it. Patton came out, letting out a huge sigh when he saw the cigarette in his mouth.

"How many is that today?" He asked, sitting next to him.

"Four. I'll stop after this one."

"I hate when you smoke. It was fine when it happened every now and then, but this is a lot."

"I have two months until I can eat regularly. I'll be back to smoking a couple times a year."

"You have one week. You're not waiting two months to eat."

"I can manage--"

"You lost weight."

"So?"

"At the end of the week, we're going hunting."

"Isn't it a good thing I'm stopping? It's obviously an addiction. I can wait."

"If you wait, you'll be smoking more. You won't be able to quit. Give me the cigarette. You're quitting smoking."

Virgil took it out of his mouth, putting it out. He gave it to him, leaning against his shoulder. "Will you help me with withdrawal symptoms?"

"Of course. I'm hiding your cigarettes until they end."

"Can I have one a day--"

"No."

"Please?"

"No! You can come to me when you feel like shit."

"I'm going to be so hungry."

"Good thing you only have one week left, then. Fuck. Let me call the twins. Just stop the challenge."

Virgil grabbed his hand and kissed his cheek. "How does the scarf look?"

"Are you trying to change the topic?"

"I think you'd look good in this soft blue. I'm making myself a purple one next."

Patton shook his head, kissing his head. Virgil wasn't making this easy.

* * *

Illness came next. It was week four. His illness was a mixture of withdrawal symptoms and absolute hunger. Food was disgusting, and the nausea intensified that feeling. He was leaning over the toilet, vomiting. Patton was behind him, rubbing his back.

"You're ending this little challenge. Fuck, Virgil."

"I'm sorry." Virgil's voice was raspy. "This is also because of the cigarettes."

"Let me call Logan. He knows how to--"

"Don't. I don't want him to see me like this."

"You love when he takes care of you! Why shouldn't he see you?"

Virgil puked again. His breath was uneven as he continued to retch and gag. Patton gave him a few pats, frowning.

"Why do you never tell us when you're struggling? There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"There is so much to be ashamed of. I can't go a month without eating people. I just needed something to take away the cravings, and now I've to quit that too. I wanted--" Virgil paused to vomit again. "I'm sorry. Fuck, my throat hurts."

"It's okay. Let me call the twins."

"I only have two moths. That's it. It's fine."

Patton got up, leaving Virgil in the bathroom. He flushed the toilet with a shaking hand, getting up to brush his teeth. He could faintly hear Patton talking on the phone. He grabbed the mouthwash once he felt like he had done a thorough job with brushing. They didn't have any meat in the house, so even if he was going to stop two months early, he couldn't do it right away. They didn't have any bodies. They'd have to go hunting, and he didn't have the energy for that. He kind of wanted to lay down and die, if he was being honest. He gurgled the mouthwash, hearing Patton swear softly in the other room. He went out, sitting on the floor in the living room. Patton sat in front of him, pulling him close. "The twins said you could quit."

"I don't want to. I'm fine. Just let me suffer through this."

"Please tell me if you want to stop."

Virgil nodded, not meaning it at all.

* * *

The rules were he couldn't eat other people.

Virgil was desperate. Without an outlet to distract himself, he was suffering. Knitting was fine. It was uneven, sure, but what did he expect? He just wished he could be easier on himself. All his failures were turned up to a thousand. Any time he made an error, he felt like ending it all. He was cooking for Patton, chopping onions quickly. They weren't even. He chopped harder as he kept going, getting more and more frustrated. Patton was out, killing at Logan's house. He was due home any minute. Logan and Janus may've been coming over too. He really didn't know. He hoped not. He didn't want to be seen like this. He put the onions in a pan on the stove to let them caramelize. He went to the fridge, grabbing beef stock. He returned to the stove, praying he didn't burn the onions. He was basing this off of smell. His phone dinged. Patton texted him. His phone read out the message to him. He'd be home in ten minutes. Good. He had time to fuck up the lunch further.

He bit his nails as he stirred the onions. He was fine. It didn't matter if Patton hid all his cigarettes somewhere and refused to tell him where. Even if he could really use one right now. He needed something to distract himself from both cravings he had. He picked up the knife, going to the sink to wash it. He did enjoy the feeling of warm water, so cleaning helped distract him, at least. He put the knife down and went back to the stove. It smelled fine. The onions should be good. 

The smell of onions was doing nothing for him. If anything, they caused him to be more nervous. It smelled bad. He bit his hand, right between the thumb and index finger. He chewed until he tasted blood. That's when it hit him. He wasn't other people. He could eat himself. He kept chewing, tearing flesh off and eating quickly. The onions were forgotten, and the smell of them burning didn't stop him from eating. It was like he unleashed a wild animal that quickly overtook him. He was getting closer to the muscle when he heard the front door open. He didn't let that stop him. He needed to keep eating. In four seconds, his arms were held against the counter. He heard someone turn the stove off. He thrashed quickly, trying to keep biting. He needed to.

"Stop moving!" Logan was the one pinning him down. Virgil stopped squirming instantly. Fuck. What the fuck?! What did they see him do? "Janus, you can close the wound, right?"

"Yes. Let me clean it first. Virgil, this is going to hurt. Feel free to cry in pain." Janus mumbled, and Virgil choked when he felt pressure on it. "Patton, can you wipe off his face?"

He felt a damp towel touch his mouth, wiping the blood off. He was still hungry. He wanted to keep eating. He tried to move, but Logan's grip didn't yield. Logan bit his jaw quickly, speaking as fast as he could without stumbling over his words. "What were you thinking? Oh my god."

He couldn't answer. The bleeding must've stopped. His hand was placed under cool water, and he winced. It hurt like hell. His tongue darted out to lick the blood on his lips that Patton didn't wipe off. It tasted so good. Patton wiped off the remaining blood.

"God fucking dammit. I'm telling the twins this is over."

Virgil managed to make a noise, begging him not to. It was just a slip up. He could manage. 

"You can't fight me on this! You were eating your hand! This is the second time you've eaten your hand! That's too many times!"

He weakly tugged his arms. Logan wasn't letting go. He wanted to defend himself. The first time wasn't even his fault. He listened as Patton typed on his phone. He waited. The water was turned off, and he was taken to the couch. He was still being restrained, and he felt someone stitching into him. He didn't react much. It hurt, yeah, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Plus, he was pretty happy with his meal. He just focused on the taste that lingered in his mouth. The stitching ended quickly. He was finally let go.

"Thank you two for helping. Hopefully the twins get back to me soon. I'm sorry I can't offer lunch now, but this seems more important. I can make something real quick." Patton glanced at the kitchen and then back to Virgil. "I'll be keeping an eye on him. Lo, think you can set up cameras around the house?"

Was that really necessary? He was an adult. Logan let go of him to see where they could set some up. He'd have to go back to his house to grab the proper materials once they figured it out. Janus stayed with Virgil, holding his arms down. He leaned against him, closing his eyes.

How the hell did he turn into this?

* * *

"Open your mouth."

Virgil was sitting on the bed with Patton, knitting. The scarf was pretty long, but he wanted his husband to be cozy in the cold months. He listened to tutorials online that talked about changing colors to make cute designs, and he'd try that next time. Somehow, he managed to convince Patton to let him finish the challenge. He promised he wouldn't go overboard again, even if he was slipping. He lifted his head up, frowning. "What?"

"Open your mouth."

He opened up, confused. Instantly, his face was pulled to Patton's chest, and the taste of blood filled his mouth.

"Drink. I'm not letting go until I stop bleeding."

Virgil did so reluctantly. It felt so wrong. He never wanted to eat his husband. Patton must've cut himself deep. Blood kept rushing into his mouth, and he almost started crying. Both from the happiness of getting to eat again and from the fear of how sweet Patton tasted. A hand ran through his hair as he kept drinking. He closed his eyes, listening to Patton talk in a low voice.

"You're like a little vampire. I like this. Do I taste good?"

Virgil made a small noise, not really able to verbally answer.

"If you really want to keep your end of the bargain, their exact words on the phone were you couldn't eat or drink victims. You could drink my blood. It may help. Just don't eat me." Patton kept a firm grip on his head, making sure Virgil got every last drop. "I'm enjoying this far too much. I wonder what the others would think of this. Let me text them."

Virgil licked the cut, the bleeding slowly ending. Patton let go of his head to use his phone, pleased when Virgil didn't pull back right away. He kept licking the blood off, still feeling slightly guilty. It took another five minutes for it to stop, and he made sure to get each droplet. He pulled back, licking his lips and teeth free of blood.

"I think knowing the human body and what parts are fatal will help. I'll slice myself non-lethally so you can drink. Think you'll be able to live with just blood for a week?"

"I have--"

"The twins are coming home early."

"I don't want to hurt you, Pat. I don't want to get addicted to your taste, and I don't want you to have to feed me for a week."

"I can confidently say that I like this more than you do. I was unsure at first, yeah, but I really like the idea of you on my lap, drinking my blood. Being a cute, little vampire."

"That nickname's sticking? I thought I was free of weird nicknames."

"Yeah, it's staying." Patton slowly cut his shoulder, urging Virgil to it. He let out a small sigh as he felt him start sucking. "Once the week is up, you can eat people again. Just for now, you can use me."

Virgil pulled back. "I'm only feeding off of you twice this week. I don't want you to have to keep hurting yourself."

"That's completely fair." 

Virgil went back to lapping up the blood off his shoulder, the guilt lessening.

* * *

The good news was he never felt the urge to eat Patton. He loved his husband, and he would never kill him.

The bad news was that this was apparently Patton's kink, and he ended up doing it a lot now. Patton, for some reason, bled a lot when he got cut. That had always been an aspect of him that Virgil knew about, but now it was exploited often. Virgil could bite him just a tad bit too hard, and he would be able to lick the droplets of blood for three minutes. Sometimes Patton would 'accidentally' get hurt during a fight, and he'd make Virgil lick the wound clean. Patton made a point of having him drink his blood in front of the others. He claimed it was a power move, and he got the right to feed Virgil.

So that's where he was in his life. Sitting on Patton and drinking from his palm. The twins would be returning the next day, and the drinking sedated his hunger in a major way. They had jazz music playing as Patton took picture after picture of him drinking.

"I'm going to miss doing this when you get to eat again. Just one more night. How's your head?"

Virgil pulled away from the hand. "Hurts like hell, and I'm exhausted."

"That's what you get for smoking."

"Now is not the time for a lecture."

Patton patted his back, letting him go back to drinking. The blood helped a lot with his withdrawal symptoms. The act of drinking made him calm, which helped him fall asleep faster. He was slowly gaining back the weight he lost during this. He still wasn't eating much, but he was eating enough. His eyes grew heavy as he kept drinking. Patton kissed his head. "Want to lay in bed?"

"No. I want my headache to go away. I want to smoke." 

"Did you take any medicine for your head?"

"No."

"Let's try that before smoking."

Virgil grumbled, staying latched onto his hand. He stayed there until the blood stopped. After he was sure he got all he could, he got up so Patton could grab him something. It was going to get better, he had to remind himself. Eventually, he'd stop craving nicotine. Once the twins got back, they were never allowed to make Virgil do this again. Patton was making a new rule for dating his husband, which was no one could bet or challenge Virgil because he was too stubborn for his own good. He came back with pills and water.

"Do you want to lay in bed now?"

"No. I want to finish this album. I'm done feeding now." Virgil grit his teeth. "Pat, thank you. I'm being snippy because I'm struggling, but you've been so helpful. I love you, and I'm sorry for being curt."

"I think of it as revenge for keeping you captive for a year. You get about six more weeks until you filled your quota. I've been keeping a notebook of how long you've been mean. You've done it for a bit."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Just know once you use up all your time, I will--well, I don't know what I'll do. Increase your chores, I guess. Make you knit more scarves?"

"I'm almost done yours. Just a few more rows. Maybe I should work on that. Will you get my knitting supplies? I think I left it in our bedroom."

He listened to the retreating steps, smiling. His head still hurt like crazy, and he hated the fact he was never allowed to smoke again, but there was a lot to look forward to. The twins got him a lot of food, for one, and he generally missed them. He was promised many hugs and kisses. They got their little rat habitat all set up, and he was going into town next week to adopt one of those precious babies. Patton returned to him, sitting to his left. He started knitting, letting Patton kiss his neck. 

It was all okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick plug because I can: my brother and I are discussing eyes and ocular surgery in our most recent podcast episode. Perks of listening: you can hear my deadpan voice (because I have no infection) talk about cutting into eyes. You can also hear me mispronounce stuff. I don't know how to read.
> 
> Author fact: I had a lazy eye growing up. I wore an eyepatch for a long time to fix it. I looked like an adorable, little pirate. Also, I really, really want another tattoo. Just want to get equations on my legs. I will be getting a TAZ quote on my chest once it fully heals; the quote is "You're going to have to fight, and you're going to win"  
> cannot wait.


End file.
